Sometimes I feel like there’s a murmur in my mind. Like I just can’t help thinking deep thoughts. But there’s a hitch also. I’m slow to react. I fumble people’s names. I can’t fake it as well as I could with people when they’re talking and don’t care what they say. They know. At least I suppose they know.
I’m fairly competent now. I sat through a two hour matter this morning. The whole point of the hearing was to build up, at least as a fall back, a claim for attorneys fees. I see it for what it is. But the hearing was substantially bad for one of the parties. I feel like it could have been handled differently. I feel it could have been handled better. I’m worried about the ex-spouse committing suicide. I can’t believe I’m the only one in the room who sees the risk. I can’t believe I’m the only one who’s afraid of it.
I was tired though after the hearing. Probably because I went for a four mile walk afterwards. I was really tired after that. I sat on my hands. Picked at my files. Then I banged out a couple initial hearings. Then I ended collection efforts on a person who made a nice presentation. I was tired then. So I went home.
On the way to my car, I chanced upon an old fellow who still practices law. We’ve had a falling out. I really haven’t spoken to him outside of court for years. Once we were pretty thick. He’s an intelligent guy, but a bit too busy for his clients, including one in particular I’ve suffered a lot for. Then I caught him making untoward comments about me to some client. He was in a bad place. But still, I can’t forgive him. He asked me how I was. I told him fine. I said it was a nice note he sent me nearly six months ago. It was my first reply. I guess I’m petty. Anyway, he’s the second person who’s warmed since my … issues. I’ve done a lot of work for him.
When I got home, I took a shower. The warm water felt crisp on my skin and I drank in the warmth of the shower on my face and hands. Revived, I went to the meeting.
People are funny at the meeting. It’s a season of all kinds there. It was the last meeting of the year. I talked to friends. I ignored enemies. I saw a woman about my age. We’ve been friends for several years. She shared with me some time ago fears about drinking too much. We were both teetotaling tonight. I saw a couple of people I should’ve known their names. But I didn’t. Oh well.
Baby steps… right?
Steven S. Wallace 
Mother’s Day
When I think about my mother, she had a hysterectomy, was the oldest of six children, took care of her brother and two siblings all day at age eight, cried a lot when I was seven… I think wow. What a woman! She’s kind and faithful and I just love her to the Moon and back. Here’s to you Mom!
We just cannot forget or be unmindful, for even a second, of the love that makes us who we are. Because that love is with us strong, like a hurricane. Subtle, like a wave. Deep, like the ocean. Always here. Never leaving. 🤗
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